Being Home Blues

So it has been over a week since I returned from my humanitarian aid trip to West Africa. I have worked on other projects with those in poverty both within my own country and in South America but for some reason I can't seem to transition back to my Canadian life so easily. I know part of it stems from my personal frustration with my present employment situation. It seemed so much easier when I didn't have to deal with the day-to-day drama I have at my job and now after the trip my frustrations seem so much more amplified. Perhaps there are more layers to my discontented heart. I feel like there was a mysterious connection that happened in my soul while overseas that just can't be re-created here. I felt different - perhaps it was the change of pace or the steady stream of new images that were bombarding me or maybe it was just the feeling of belonging to something with a purpose.
I am well aware of the reverse culture shock people experience after being exposed to such diversity and new opportunities but I can tell you that it's not just that... I think it's more. Maybe it's the loss of the community we had, the feeling of abandonment or just not having the same chemistry with those around me now. Or maybe it is just my innermost passion and desire to travel and see the world but I have always been comfortable with my travel dreams. There were times when I was in Paris when I would glance around me and whisper up prayers that these feelings would never end but blossom into more/new opportunity to see more of our planet. Since I have returned home all I can think about it where to go next? I have been dreaming about Asia and what that might hold for me. Some might say I am running away from my problems and not willing to face the hard questions of life but I say I am running towards the greatest classroom of all to help me discover more of what I want from life.
Is it a quarter life crisis… am I searching for the freedom of a grade 12 ready to take on the world or is there something I need to pay attention to deep with in my soul? I can tell you that over the next few weeks something has to change, I am trying to be patient but I don't know if I can really thrive when I feel like I can barely survive. I just keep asking myself – is this as good as it gets? There has got to be more… God has designed me for more and I can't shake the feeling that I need to figure out what that is or I will shrivel up and never fully embrace the life He has planned for me. I guess I will have to spend some intentional time figuring out what come next for me.